It’s been a year since my last post. This morning, I woke up and read all the posts I wrote over a year ago and was filled with so much joy and amazement about all the memories I captured about my life through recipes. I forgot how much I live through food and friends wrapped around a table laughing and enjoying each other’s company. At my last apartment, I didn’t have the space to hold dinner parties or cook up new inventions in the kitchen. It was honestly one of the toughest living situations of my life, which taught me a lot about myself and others, and I have never been happier to move into a new apartment.
This last year I have been learning how to grow through conflict. I didn’t realize how stuck I was in flight, fight, or freeze mode when it came to issues that came up. This year, I have started to find out how to show up in conflict with an open heart. How to listen without identifying my behavior with other people’s interpretations. Breath has helped me create space between a person’s reaction to my actions. This year has been about rooting myself back into my body and claiming space to the feelings that I choose to have.
It’s just Kevin and I now in our new home and a window full of plants. The upstairs neighbors came by yesterday and were amazed at how well our plants were growing. It makes me happy to know that I am not letting my grandmother down. As a florist, her house was always brimming with new life – pouring from the window sills and a giant garden. Even my great grandparents harvested vegetables from their land. We have a family of green thumbs and old Kentucky and Oklahoma farmers who moved West.
Sometimes, my cousins will share pictures of their gardens back in California or my sister will send me photos of her succulent wreaths – and it’s in those moments that I know that the family traditions are still alive and well.
The last two years have been years of transition. This summer I did more sitting meditation and yoga then I have ever done in my life. I trail ran with my partner and worked harder than I ever have before. As fall is starting to make its way into September – I can feel the dust starting to settle. The hot and fiery summer days are ending and giving way to cool mornings and quiet nights. I am writing more and filling my life with books that will ground me and continue to help me grow.
I just started rereading Crazy Wisdom by Chogyam Trungpa, which is focused on teaching about an innocent state of mind that has the quality of early morning spring – or complete awakeness. It has been resonating with me because sometimes transition and conflict are painful. Chogyam Trungpa explores ways in which we can appreciate pain, confusion, or challenging opportunities as an opportunity to wake up – to discover new things we never knew about ourselves.
In this book he says that the approach involves “digging into life’s irritations, diving into the irritations and making a home out of them.” He says, “If we are able to make a home out of those irritations, then the irritations become a source of great joy, of transcendental joy, because there is no pain involved at all. This kind of joy is no longer related with pain or contrasted with pain at all. So the whole thing becomes precise and sharp and understandable, and we are able to relate with it.”
The last four months I have had the privilege to be a work study student at Akasha Yoga Studio and I am headed over there today to celebrate International Karma Yoga Day. This morning I can feel myself appreciating this moment and leaning forward to all the exciting moments that this fall will bring. I am excited to be back to writing, to waking up, to opening up my kitchen and hosting dinner parties late into the night.
– Pineapple Orange Juice –
-1 inch of ginger
-1/2 cup cilantro
Cut up all of the delicious veggies so they are small enough until they are small enough to pop into your juicer. Juice it up & enjoy!