In Massachusetts, August is the sweat-end of summer. This morning I woke up with the ocean in my chest. The city can not hold the parts of myself that long for nature – late nights on the water, bonfires in the woods, and dinner out on the porch. Last January, I became an uncle for the first time. I flew back to California to see my sister and my nephew, Evan. He was so small. His hands and feet tucking into his body, like leaves on a thick stem. It was beautiful to see my sister, the small girl climbing trees with me in thunderstorms while daring the wind to blow us clean off the branch, now a mother. She is patient and calm and rooted.
The house smells like it is blossoming with life.
This week, when we talk on the phone my nephew is no longer the little potato that I first saw. He is growing and laughing and dreaming. My father sends me a photograph of him with my childhood stuffed animal. In this moment, holding the photograph of Evan in one hand and my heart in the other, I know that there is so much more of myself I have yet to give.
My friend is leaving for London in a few days and we wake up early to see the sun bleeding into the daytime. We pull over near the ocean, where the sunrise is pushing back the night. Four years ago, we were children in college that were playing adults by learning how to speak of important things and now we are adults playing children in the early belly of the sun.
On the train to work today, everyone is gone. My best friend, settled in new city, and the person who I love traveling for work. I pull out my calendar to quickly process any last minute meetings. I am longing for the slow and drawn out slack-line of summer. A longing that is the same force that brings the ocean back to the shoreline.
As the train pulls into my stop, I cannot help but wonder how much of me is still a little boy, sitting in the tree during a thunderstorm, daring the lightning to speak my name.
— Coconut Sun-Dried Tomato Pesto —
– 1/2 cup sun-dried tomatoes
– 1 cup fresh basil
-1/4 cup almonds
– 1/4 unsalted raw sunflower seeds
– 1/4 cup coconut oil
– 4 tbs lemon juice
– 1 tbs nutritional yeast
– 1 tbs flax seed
In a food processor, purée sun-dried tomatoes, basil, almonds, sunflower seeds, and lemon juice. Mix. Add nutritional yeast and flax seeds! Spread on toast with avocado and enjoy!!